My name is Nalini. I had already begun a blog once a couple of years ago, but never went on with it. So now I don't seem to be able to use it anymore and therefore I have begun a new one. Good luck to me with it.
I am 51 years old and have a pretty ordinary life so far. But I belong to a culture and community which, according to me, is pretty unique. That way of life is long past, maybe even before my birth, but through my mother and my grandmother I have been able to hear and understand some of it. I wish to begin my blog by recording some of the things I have been told so that it may be preserved for future generations (well, that sounds pretty grand). But I would like my nephew and maybe my nieces to one day read this and get to know where they came from.
I belong to a small community in Kerala called Warriers (sometimes Variers or variations thereof) which is part of a larger sub-sect called Ambalavaasi. Literally Ambalavaasi means one who lives in the temple. Ambalavaasis did not really live in temples but they were almost always attached to a temple and performed duties in the temple like keeping the temples clean, washing the temple vessels like the lamps, cooking pots, etc., weaving garlands to offer the diety, readying the ingredients like rice, jaggery, beaten rice and bananas etc.. In return they were sanctioned land by the local landlords who were Namboodiris (malayali brahmins) or sometimes aristocratic Nair families. This land was used by them for sustenence. Farming was done on the tenency system, i.e., land was rented out to actual farmers who paid regular rent in the form of rice.
There were may sub-sects among Ambalavaasis. I think that maybe Warriers were the largest, but then you have the Pisharodi, Nambiar, Nambisan, Marar, Poduval, etc., etc.. The whole list is beyond me, but it can be googled for. Most of the other castes were interchangeable in the sense that they performed similar duties but the interesting ones are the Marars -who played on the drums and the other percussion instruments in temples and elsewhere and the Nambiars, who learnt and performed the Chakyar-kootu. The women of the community were called Nangiyar and they had their typical dance-form called Nangiyar-kootu. Many of the Ambalavaasi communities practiced the matrililneal form of inheritence like the Nairs of Kerala. Essentially it meant that girls were not "married off". They were married but continued to belong to their birth families. The family property was inherited by all the children of a mother but the children born to daughters of the family were included as family members and inherited a share but the children born to sons were not so entitled since they counted as belonging to their mothers' families and inherited there. The namboodiries and some of the Ambalavaasis practiced the patrilineal system which is followed widely and requires no introduction. But the namboodiries had some special customs which are relevent here.
The eldest son of a namboodiri was permitted to marry a namboodiri girl (or more than one). His children were accepted as namboodiris. This marriage was called "Velli". The younger sons married into other castes like Nairs, Warriers, etc., who practiced the matrilineal form of family. Here the children born into the marriage belonged to the mother's community. This type of marriage was called "Sambandham" and appears to be very similar to the morganatic type of marriage practiced by members of royal families, where the children are legitimate but have no right of inheritence to the father's property. This system prevented fragmentation of land by retaining a large part of the property within the family. The younger brothers inherited shares and typically bequeathed some property to their wives and children but the bulk reverted to their birth family.This somewhat unique family structure gave rise to some unique customs.
I have very little knowledge of the customs of the other sub-castes but in the Warrier community, a ceremony called "kettu-kalyanam" was celebrated when a girl belonging to the family was about 8 or 9 years old. Kettu Kalyanam was considered a form of marriage and was accompanied by elaborate ceremonies lasting 2 or 3 days, just like hindu marriages everywhere. After this function was celebrated the girl was considered to be grown-up and addressed a "warasyar". She no longer wore the strip of cloth or banana leaf that served as a "langothi", instead she wore the long mundu, pleated and tucked in at the waist which served as an undergarment (very similar to the 'kacchai' worn by tamil ladies) and then a dhoti over that. This ceremony typically took place before the girl attained puberty. Noteworthy is the fact that the man who tied the thali was not really considered a husband. He had no matrimonial obligations or rights over the girl. For his services he was offered the customary "dakshina" - gifts of money and cloth and then went his way. He would be either an elderly and respected warrier or a namboodiri. After the girl reached puberty she would be married to a suitable person chosen by her family who would then father her children. I have read that this custom obtained even among the kshatriyas, i.e., the Varmas of Kerala. This tie was respected, as is shown by the fact that the girl observed 3 days of "pula" (impurity) when the man (who had originally tied the thali) died as opposed to the 12, 13 or 16 day period of impurity (depending on caste) observed by the family on the death of a family member. After the kettu-kalyanam a woman was considered 'married'. This status was unaffected by the death of the man who tied the thali, or by the death of her subsequent "real" husband.
I have heard this custom being called a evil custom. I beg to differ. It did not hurt the parties involved in any way and protected the girl from one of the major curses women of other castes suffered from - widowhood. If a woman's husband died when she was still young or withdrew from the relationship she was free to marry again. Indeed, if she had no daughters to continue the family and sometimes even if she did, she usually did marry again. Even if she chose to remain single she continued to enjoy all the rights and privileges of all the other women of the household.
I have often heard of the matrilineal system of family criticised as unnatural, unfair, etc. Maybe it seems so to people today but I am a woman and as such, I consider those aspects of a question as it affects women (because it seems to me that a man's future is safe anyway). It seems to me that a woman's safety and health was secure in a matrilineal household. As a child and later as a young women (which is when she needs protection most), her well-being was the concern of her mother, grandmother and aunts who were naturally invested in her genetically, i.e., her child would propogate their family and it made sense to ensure that the mother was well-taken care of. In later life, the woman gained importance as her sons and daughters grew up and ultimately she ended up the matriarch of a line called a "thavazhi". On the other hand, in a patrilineal family set-up, the boy's genetic line took precedence and the woman merely provided the womb. Her family had very little part to play in her life after marriage.
This does not mean that in a matrilineal set-up women enjoyed all the power and that the men were helpless puppets. Most of the decisions affecting the family were taken by the uncles, brothers and later the sons of the woman. While the birth of a daughter guaranteed the propagation of the family, the birth of a son also brought joy because a son would safeguard and maybe enhance the family name and its properties. However the women in our systems enjoyed a slightly higher degree of, not really freedom but importance within the family.
I speak of these systems because, as I already said , I have heard much about it from my mother and others in my family. However I can speak about the family structures with some authority because I also share this lineage. My mother's father was a namboodiri from a nearby village and the story of my grandparents' lives (or as much of it as I know) is a story of a whole culture.
I see that this post was begun a month ago and I have not published it yet. So my grandmother's story will be the subject of my next post.
I would like to reiterate that this post reflects my own private thoughts and ideas. Men particularly may take issue with some of the points raised here but then again, my post, my view point.
I am 51 years old and have a pretty ordinary life so far. But I belong to a culture and community which, according to me, is pretty unique. That way of life is long past, maybe even before my birth, but through my mother and my grandmother I have been able to hear and understand some of it. I wish to begin my blog by recording some of the things I have been told so that it may be preserved for future generations (well, that sounds pretty grand). But I would like my nephew and maybe my nieces to one day read this and get to know where they came from.
I belong to a small community in Kerala called Warriers (sometimes Variers or variations thereof) which is part of a larger sub-sect called Ambalavaasi. Literally Ambalavaasi means one who lives in the temple. Ambalavaasis did not really live in temples but they were almost always attached to a temple and performed duties in the temple like keeping the temples clean, washing the temple vessels like the lamps, cooking pots, etc., weaving garlands to offer the diety, readying the ingredients like rice, jaggery, beaten rice and bananas etc.. In return they were sanctioned land by the local landlords who were Namboodiris (malayali brahmins) or sometimes aristocratic Nair families. This land was used by them for sustenence. Farming was done on the tenency system, i.e., land was rented out to actual farmers who paid regular rent in the form of rice.
There were may sub-sects among Ambalavaasis. I think that maybe Warriers were the largest, but then you have the Pisharodi, Nambiar, Nambisan, Marar, Poduval, etc., etc.. The whole list is beyond me, but it can be googled for. Most of the other castes were interchangeable in the sense that they performed similar duties but the interesting ones are the Marars -who played on the drums and the other percussion instruments in temples and elsewhere and the Nambiars, who learnt and performed the Chakyar-kootu. The women of the community were called Nangiyar and they had their typical dance-form called Nangiyar-kootu. Many of the Ambalavaasi communities practiced the matrililneal form of inheritence like the Nairs of Kerala. Essentially it meant that girls were not "married off". They were married but continued to belong to their birth families. The family property was inherited by all the children of a mother but the children born to daughters of the family were included as family members and inherited a share but the children born to sons were not so entitled since they counted as belonging to their mothers' families and inherited there. The namboodiries and some of the Ambalavaasis practiced the patrilineal system which is followed widely and requires no introduction. But the namboodiries had some special customs which are relevent here.
The eldest son of a namboodiri was permitted to marry a namboodiri girl (or more than one). His children were accepted as namboodiris. This marriage was called "Velli". The younger sons married into other castes like Nairs, Warriers, etc., who practiced the matrilineal form of family. Here the children born into the marriage belonged to the mother's community. This type of marriage was called "Sambandham" and appears to be very similar to the morganatic type of marriage practiced by members of royal families, where the children are legitimate but have no right of inheritence to the father's property. This system prevented fragmentation of land by retaining a large part of the property within the family. The younger brothers inherited shares and typically bequeathed some property to their wives and children but the bulk reverted to their birth family.This somewhat unique family structure gave rise to some unique customs.
I have very little knowledge of the customs of the other sub-castes but in the Warrier community, a ceremony called "kettu-kalyanam" was celebrated when a girl belonging to the family was about 8 or 9 years old. Kettu Kalyanam was considered a form of marriage and was accompanied by elaborate ceremonies lasting 2 or 3 days, just like hindu marriages everywhere. After this function was celebrated the girl was considered to be grown-up and addressed a "warasyar". She no longer wore the strip of cloth or banana leaf that served as a "langothi", instead she wore the long mundu, pleated and tucked in at the waist which served as an undergarment (very similar to the 'kacchai' worn by tamil ladies) and then a dhoti over that. This ceremony typically took place before the girl attained puberty. Noteworthy is the fact that the man who tied the thali was not really considered a husband. He had no matrimonial obligations or rights over the girl. For his services he was offered the customary "dakshina" - gifts of money and cloth and then went his way. He would be either an elderly and respected warrier or a namboodiri. After the girl reached puberty she would be married to a suitable person chosen by her family who would then father her children. I have read that this custom obtained even among the kshatriyas, i.e., the Varmas of Kerala. This tie was respected, as is shown by the fact that the girl observed 3 days of "pula" (impurity) when the man (who had originally tied the thali) died as opposed to the 12, 13 or 16 day period of impurity (depending on caste) observed by the family on the death of a family member. After the kettu-kalyanam a woman was considered 'married'. This status was unaffected by the death of the man who tied the thali, or by the death of her subsequent "real" husband.
I have heard this custom being called a evil custom. I beg to differ. It did not hurt the parties involved in any way and protected the girl from one of the major curses women of other castes suffered from - widowhood. If a woman's husband died when she was still young or withdrew from the relationship she was free to marry again. Indeed, if she had no daughters to continue the family and sometimes even if she did, she usually did marry again. Even if she chose to remain single she continued to enjoy all the rights and privileges of all the other women of the household.
I have often heard of the matrilineal system of family criticised as unnatural, unfair, etc. Maybe it seems so to people today but I am a woman and as such, I consider those aspects of a question as it affects women (because it seems to me that a man's future is safe anyway). It seems to me that a woman's safety and health was secure in a matrilineal household. As a child and later as a young women (which is when she needs protection most), her well-being was the concern of her mother, grandmother and aunts who were naturally invested in her genetically, i.e., her child would propogate their family and it made sense to ensure that the mother was well-taken care of. In later life, the woman gained importance as her sons and daughters grew up and ultimately she ended up the matriarch of a line called a "thavazhi". On the other hand, in a patrilineal family set-up, the boy's genetic line took precedence and the woman merely provided the womb. Her family had very little part to play in her life after marriage.
This does not mean that in a matrilineal set-up women enjoyed all the power and that the men were helpless puppets. Most of the decisions affecting the family were taken by the uncles, brothers and later the sons of the woman. While the birth of a daughter guaranteed the propagation of the family, the birth of a son also brought joy because a son would safeguard and maybe enhance the family name and its properties. However the women in our systems enjoyed a slightly higher degree of, not really freedom but importance within the family.
I speak of these systems because, as I already said , I have heard much about it from my mother and others in my family. However I can speak about the family structures with some authority because I also share this lineage. My mother's father was a namboodiri from a nearby village and the story of my grandparents' lives (or as much of it as I know) is a story of a whole culture.
I see that this post was begun a month ago and I have not published it yet. So my grandmother's story will be the subject of my next post.
I would like to reiterate that this post reflects my own private thoughts and ideas. Men particularly may take issue with some of the points raised here but then again, my post, my view point.
Thanks for the insights! Now I know why I have "more than average" bossy sisters ;-)
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